


Sixtynineklok

by ddespair



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: (it's Pickles though so comes with the territory), Drug Use, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:36:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8481076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddespair/pseuds/ddespair
Summary: Dethsub shenanigans! No jacking off allowed! The most unoriginal premise! Good luck, Pickles, his dick's as big as a shoe!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I can't write smut unless it's also completely ridiculous and EXTREMELY awkward but anyway here we are. I'm sorry. Mostly for the puns. I'm really sorry.

Three weeks into their strict “hands off” regimen and Pickles’ nerves were wearing thin. Every moment not spent behind his drum set felt like a blurred together montage of blue balls.

 

“I feckin’... I can’t take this anymore!” he cried in exasperation, tossing the bottle he’d been struggling to get the childproof cap off of across the table. Charles had placed a ban on hard drugs in the Dethsub as well, forcing Pickles to dip into his stash of prescriptions.

 

Nathan mumbled something that sounded like an agreement in response. In contrast to Pickles’ restless frenetic energy, Nathan seemed to withdraw inside himself, spoke less and less, and more and more of it was becoming increasingly incoherent.

 

“I had a wet dream last night,” Pickles confessed, slumped over the dinner table with his head in his hands, trembling like a wet chihuahua. “When was the last ti- not since I was thirteen! Thirteen! Been gettin’ laid like clockwerk, anytime I want, since thirteen! I don’t believe this shit! Woke up- feckin’ mess all over the sheets!” He sighed deeply. “Worst part is, I don’t even remember what the fuck it was I was dreamin’ about. I didn’t even get to feckin’ enjoy it!”  


The elephant in the room was the only one accompanying the two, the obvious solution they both pretended wasn’t there.

 

Seconds ticked by audibly as Pickles twitched, bounced his leg, fidgeted, took a sip of beer, then relented and got up to retrieve his pills.

 

“Wait, Pic- wait, I think I have an idea.” Nathan caught the edge of his shirt before the drummer could walk around to the other side of the table. His eyes darted surreptitiously from left to right before he nodded in the direction of their sleeping quarters. “Let’s go to- we’ll talk in your room.”

 

Goosebumps pricked on the back of Pickles’ arms in anticipation of what he felt sure Nathan was going to suggest. The lead singer shut the bedroom door behind them, just beyond the door that elephant, the one Pickles didn’t want to acknowledge but he felt sure Nathan would point out, right now.

 

“Hey, so uh… remember that time we tried to suck our own… you-know-whats,” Nathan began sheepishly.

 

Pickles’ face fell as he felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. Wrong. This was no elephant. This was all wrong. What the fuck was this?

 

A moment of brief panicked guilt smacked him full force in the face, it felt wrong, all of a sudden... even considering the circumstances... that he’d told Skwisgaar and not Nathan that he’d managed to succeed. But it’d come at much too high a cost- the tense pain in his neck and lumbar that still flared up from time to time after sitting still for too long and at the end of each show and recording session was a reminder of that.

 

“Eh… yeah… I think we’d get in trouble if we tried that again…”

 

“No, I know, I know, hear me- hear me out.” There was a light in Nathan’s eyes that had all but died except for flickers that returned occasionally when playing back tracks that he approved of. “We can’t… we can’t reach our own… right?”  


“Yeah, I think we established that last time.” Pickles rolled his eyes.

 

“But we can reach… each others’... things.”

 

The drummer recoiled with disgust. “What the feck!”

 

“I’m not done I’m not done!” roared Nathan. “Hear me out!”

 

Pickles was slowly backing away from him, dreads swinging as he shook his head repeatedly and reflexively, but didn’t interrupt again.

 

“Either way-” he started again. “Either way!” repeated, with louder emphasis, as though trying to convince himself as well, “we’d have a dick in our mouth!” He pounded his clenched fists against the closed door behind him. “It’s the same thing! Pickles! Don’t you see!? It’d be the sa- the same thing!”

 

Pickles rubbed his chin, musing. This was no elephant, but a horse of a different color. It may not be ideal, but… “either way we’d have a dick in our mouth.” There was no denying the truth in his friend’s words. Maybe this was the key! It’d be just like the time he sucked himself off!

 

He was jolted out of his reverie by a rough shake in the shoulders from Nathan. “O… okey… but how’re we gonna do this?”

 

Nathan hummed, low and gravelly, in thought. “Uh… okay… get on the bed.”

 

 _This is really gay!_ a voice inside Pickles’ head screeched, but in his mind he pulled out the aux cord from the amp its mic was plugged into. He complied, and after a bit of figuring and shuffling, Nathan situated himself on top of the smaller man. “We’ll just pretend… pretend it’s our own,” he grunted instead of saying the word dick, “we’re sucking. So uh… just take it out, I guess.”

 

Pickles grimaced at the fly of his bandmate’s jeans hovering over his face as Nathan reached down to unbutton his pants, but made an “Mmm-hmm” of agreement. Squeezing his eyes shut to blot out the sight, he followed suit.

 

It was difficult at first to coax his gherkin erect, but a few moments of stroking and intense pretending that he was alone managed to get the job done. The bed creaked as Nathan’s weight shifted above him. “Ready?” the vocalist inquired.

 

“Aw… awright…”

 

“Keep your eyes closed, and we’ll open our mouths… now!”

 

The moment Nathan’s dick breached his lips, Pickles knew it was a horrible mistake. “Stop!” he cried out, unintelligible around the contents of his mouth.

 

“It’s not fair, yer so much bigger’n me!” came out as a stream of inflected shrieking as he scrabbled against the waistband of Nathan’s jeans. But the warm, wet sensation from his nether regions gradually blotted out his complaints. Nathan’s tongue hit the top of his shaft, and it was all over in the blink of an eye.

  


Three week’s worth of deprivation from touch hit Pickles like a murdertrain a comin’, extremities tingling, dick twitching, groaning and salivating uncontrollably around his bandmate’s dick still in his own mouth.

 

Nathan’s hips bore down on him from above. His gag reflex triggered, his throat convulsed, and seconds later, the hot, bitter, salty taste of someone else’s three week old semen filled his mouth.

 

With every ounce of strength in his spindly arms, he shoved Nathan off of his face, sputtering, gagging, cursing. Nathan’s limp body rolled off the bed, kicking and shattering Pickles’ bedside lamp before landing with a dull thud on the floor.

 

They laid in their respective positions, Pickles on his side in a fetal position, now-soft dick still hanging out of his pants, and Nathan on the floor, breathing heavily.

 

“Ow,” said his bandmate on the floor after an extended pause.

 

The drummer sat up shakily, wiping his mouth with his sweatbands and finding them wet with saliva and cum. “Aw, gross, dude, y… y’got jizz all in my goatee.”

 

Nathan continued his heavy breathing for a couple seconds before responding with, “Uh… sorry…”

 

“I’m gonna…” he pointed towards the bathroom, a dizzying head rush overcoming him now that he was upright. “Bathroom. Clean up.”

 

Face obscured, Nathan’s mass of black hair nodded.

 

He tossed away the soiled wristbands, zipped up his pants, and splashed his face with water, standing over the sink with face dripping for a solid minute before turning off the tap and returning, walking shakily and rubbery-legged, into his bedroom. He suddenly felt as though he had eaten a very large snake, whole, and it was sitting in his stomach, trying to get up into his mouth through his throat.

 

Nathan was lying on his bed with one arm behind his head when he got back, with a nonchalance that sent a jolt of white-hot irrational anger through Pickles’ entire body. He didn’t know why it pissed him off so much to see the other guy so relaxed, it just did.

 

“That was… hmm. Y’know, I was thinking…”

 

“What,” spat Pickles with all the venom he could muster with what little energy he had remaining.

 

“Hmm. That wasn’t… maybe we’re onto something.”

 

Pickles’ heart beat faster than the polyrhythms he’d spent all of last week recording, and it was so hot, why was it so hot, the skin on his face pricked from the heat...

 

“When you don’t get to do it for a while and you do it again, it’s… it’s kinda awesome,” an oblivious Nathan continued musing.

 

“Oh.” When he realized the conversation wasn’t specifically about what they’d just done, the emotion keeping Pickles upright gave way, and he slumped on the floor against the bed, head awkwardly back on it.

 

“Maybe when we get back I could try going a while without sex and then doing it a bunch again, y’know.”

 

The drummer snickered. “That’s not gonna happen. Yer just gonna end up screwin’ the first batch of sluts you see.”

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he chuckled in response. “Well,” hositing himself unsteadily onto his feet, “I’m gonna… Guess I’ll be…” Nathan pointed in the direction of his room. "I kinda... don't wanna be in here anymore, smells like jizz, y'know?"

 

“Yeh. Thanks for that,” was the flat, sarcastic response.

 

Nathan grumbled something which may have been a half-assed apology, and Pickles nodded with what felt like the last of his energy. “Later.”

 

He heard the door shut behind him and rummaged in the drawer of his bedside table for stray Valiums from a spilled bottle, which he washed down several of with a few gulps of gin before crawling into bed and pulling the covers over his pounding head.

 

Why couldn’t Nathan have just suggested a threesome with Abigail like a normal fucking guy?


End file.
